No mother should know how much her baby's heart weighed.
Nothing like an autopsy report of your baby to brighten your life.
Everything was inconclusive.
Everything was in the range of normal.
Nothing was obviously amiss.
He was a bit longer than average and weighed very
little. It was all in grams and centimeters and medical jargon. But the
facts were there. His brain was too mushy to look at or weigh, so we
don't know if there was anything wrong with it. The only anomaly in all
the report was an enlarged heart. The parameters were 16.6grams +/- 4.4 grams. But his was 23+ grams. Now, I'm no math whiz but even I know that 23 is more than 20 as far as I can tell. But still the report said that it was normal.
Everything was inconclusive.
Everything was in the range of normal.
Nothing was obviously amiss.
He was a bit longer than average and weighed very
little. It was all in grams and centimeters and medical jargon. But the
facts were there. His brain was too mushy to look at or weigh, so we
don't know if there was anything wrong with it. The only anomaly in all
the report was an enlarged heart. The parameters were 16.6grams +/- 4.4 grams. But his was 23+ grams. Now, I'm no math whiz but even I know that 23 is more than 20 as far as I can tell. But still the report said that it was normal.
What that means is that we will always and forever get to wonder why. We will never know why Juniper died when he was almost ready to be born.
So, I am clinging to his oversized heart. The only explanation. It was just too big for this world.
So, I am clinging to his oversized heart. The only explanation. It was just too big for this world.
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2 comments:
Oh Emily. I will cling to that with you. It was just too big for this world. Much love heading your way.
Wow. I really appreciate your sharing this Emily.
So I just noticed the "terms you hate" also. need to change my FB status update right now because I copied it and made it my update to support you, but it has those euphemisms in it - the baby wasn't "born sleeping"! I've heard people say "pregnancy loss" as well and I think there is an inference that a child, in fact, did not die. Rather that "merely" a pregnancy was "lost."
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