Dads Who Don’t Deal
5 years ago
Friday, June 4, 2010
Facebook Group
I made a Facebook group. Just because I liked the name. International Dead Baby Carnival of Suck
We might have called you Juni
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8 comments:
I joined.
x
I'm new to your blog and I want to start off by saying how desperately sorry I am to hear about sweet Juniper. I hate hearing of another new member to this club.
However, I didn't join the FB group and I'm not sure I will, even though I very much (sadly) belong in it.
The thing is, I do say born sleeping. I do say she is lost. I am lost. I lost her. I am babylost.
And what's more strange, as much as I'm with you on hating the talk of angels, I did name her Hope Angel. Laying on the hospital bed, dead baby laying across my chest, whacked out on drugs and in a sea of blood, sweat and tears riddled with shock and extreme sadness. No knowledge of the fact that babies die. Healthy full term babies. And that I wasn't alone, despite the fact that's how I felt. I had no idea that there was another world out there - the blogging world of dead baby mamas. A world I would soon join. A world that for the most part, seems split in to two camps - the angel people and the angel hating people. I do belong in that latter group, but just because I say she's lost, or was born sleeping or because in the first initial moments of my grief when I heard "it's a girl" I named her Hope Angel, it doesn't mean I don't understand how dead and very gone she is. And it doesn't mean I don't hurt and am not incredibly fucked up about it all.
I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, because I do enjoy your blog and your take on things. But I think as a group of very sad and grieving mothers, we can be so judgemental and hard on each other.
Oh and for the record, I don't believe in god or jesus either, or happen to have a religious bone in my body, so we'd probably have more in common than you think.
I was feeling particularly feisty and irreverent today. In fact, most days. And I always say dead, dies, gone. Every once in a while I will say "did not make it." There isn't a sugar coating thick enough to make this palatable for me. I sometimes feel like we have to say these things to make other comfortable, but dammit, I don't want them to be comfortable with it!
I know what you mean. I think I probably sugar coat it for myself as much as anyone else, but it never seems to work so I wonder why I bother sometimes. I know she's dead. I know it is the harsh truth of it. But I guess I just say "lost" or "sleeping" sometimes to soften the edges of it all.
I've joined and I can't agree enough with the sentiment, it's so lovely for once, to not be the only one who feels like this :D
Ok, I'm joining (Sally is my name). Sorry, was just having a moment when I first commented. I guess some things hit a nerve, but I do belong in your group.
Sally, it's cool. I am pissed off most days and if you want to be too. Well that's the club! No need to apologize. You can say whatever you need to to "get through." Although that's another thing I hate, that this is something that will be "behind us" someday.
First time I've read your blog. I don't have a Facebook account, probably never will. But if I had one I would join. I like the name.
...and this is a carnival of suck.
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