Avoidant ... contains TMI, but noone's forcing you to read ;-)

I don't want to blog about food anymore. I am hungry. I want a fucking bagel.

I went to the doctor Monday. I'm pretty sure I was bleeding to death and it felt like someone was stabbing me in the gut from the inside, repeatedly. The kind of pain that is NOT CRAMPS that makes you walk on tiptoe, as if that will somehow alleviate the agony in your belly. I don't like to sleep in adult diapers, so I thought I'd bring that up to the doctor...
I actually went there for some preconception consulting, referrals and test results that I never bothered to get because, as we learned, THERE IS/WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MEEEEE!!!
On the plus side, while she was giving me a shot in the gut (because my body was obviously trying to completely reject my whole uterus), the aide at my doctor's office commented on my lack of belly fat! That must all be skin.
She still try to put me in room 7. I stopped at the door, once again, and said "please don't make me go in there." I though we wrote that on my chart!!! Why do they ALWAYS try to put me in the room with the giant, sleeping newborn picture? Don't they know that all sleeping babies look dead in black and white photos?????

So I went home and laid down with a hot water bottle, a cup and a super overnight pad. When I woke, it had slowed to a mere trickle. WTF body? I guess that shot worked or something.

Rewinding a little bit; we went to Prosser Washington last weekend to drink wine and watch hot air balloons. It was cool. Our hotel was nice and clean, but had an odd christian theme that we found disturbing. That whole "religion is like a penis" thing. Oh, also it was surrounded by ... a lovely vineyard, a beautiful old barn on a hill and ... A FUCKING FEEDLOT. So every morning we went outside and the whole area reeked of sick cow shit! Next time we go to an unknown hotel, we will be utilizing Google street view first.

Everything was going quite well for the first couple days. We helped launch a recover a hot-air balloon. Which was a quite a learning experience, and also damp. But I need to NEVER leave home for more than two nights, because I seem to have complete meltdowns on the third day. It happened at Faire and it happened after the really cool "night glow" where the balloons stayed tethered and they lit them up in the dark."

At Faire, I was an idiot and lost my scissors, which is kind of "so what? You have a million pairs of scissors" except that I was an idiot and they were the one's I stole from the hospital after I used them to cut the lock of Juniper's hair. Cue three hours of waterworks in my tent.

At the balloon rally it was the 17 year-old mom with the living baby, who had a tattoo of her baby's hand prints on her back. I though only people with dead babies got that kind of tattoo. But there was her living baby in it's bucket and yes it was the same kid, she said the name. GRRRRR!!! Yes, I am very prejudiced and judgmental and TEENAGERS SHOULD NOT HAVE BABIES!!!!!

So I held it together until the car ride back to the hotel. I tried to talk about different things. I TRIED to be normal. But that kind of trying is exhausting. So, I lost it I cried all night and slept and cried again in the morning.

After the morning waterworks and much blood loss, we headed home. It was drizzle-y and foggy and just lovely along Hwy 12. We stopped at a lake and refused to pay the $7.00 boat-launch fee and instead put the canoe in at the swimming area down the road. It was lovely canoeing in the slight rain. Then we went home.

All this had led me to the conclusion that I can pretend to be normal for two days in public. Then I just can't anymore. It's too hard. So our next trip I will plan accordingly.