1-19-2011

Today I am in a lot of pain. The worst since this whole bloody mess started. I don't know if my other miscarriages hurt this bad. Tylenol did nothing. The pain woke me up a little after 4am and I reached for what was nearest the bed, which was extra strength acetaminophen. Tossed and turned for and hour before conceding that this was beyond the scope of mere OTCs. Got up and took a shower, passing clots the size of ... I don't know, something unpleasant but not alarming. Still hurt after all the lovely hot water, and I am never going to get back to sleep at this point, so I go for the Percoset with a soy yogurt and granola chaser.

I have a doctor's appointment at 10:30 today and I am terrified that they will want me to have a D&C because this is not abating on it's own. Because my uterus is NOT RIGHT. ( I really want to say it's retarded, but that will ruffle feathers) But I already have scarring on my cervix, which makes it not want to let people out, plus I don't have the kid care resources. and FUCK I am scared and I just want this nightmare to be over. Also I want to go back to sleep, but the kid has to be to school in an hour and 20, so fuck that. Coffee will probably make me more crampy.

Oh, and did I mention I still have "morning" sickness and my boobs still hurt. I would really like to not feel like total shit anymore.

Anyway, good fucking morning ;-)