Wherein she reposts a comment she made on Missy's blog

  Bakunin said "The urge to destroy is also a creative urge." Right?

 So, I told my therapist this and said I wanted to break things and hit things and destroy things. And she offered up, "will that make you feel better?" I thought about it and said "for a little while." And she asked if that was enough for me, to feel good in little spurts? I said "no." She suggested that when I feel that way, what I really need to is create something. Because then; there it is and it's not fleeting and I can be proud of it and it will sustain me for much longer than a destructive act, which will inevitably drain me because I have nothing to show for it.

  And I thought it was crap and I left there still wanting to smash everything.
(I am a slow learner and stubborn as hell I guess)

  But then I had a really, really, bad day and I started sewing this little outfit for my stupid sister's baby that she shouldn't be having because she is a selfish dumbshit. And I cried my eyes out. And then I still felt bad, so I started sewing a dress for the Mary Madeline project and I ruined quite a bit of taffeta with my tears, but I sewed and sewed until I couldn't see straight and I was dehydrated from the tears. Then I went to bed.

 And the next day I still felt a bit crappy, but I went down to the sewing room and looked at what I'd done. And Dammit! I smiled a just a little. I was proud of what I accomplished in my pain and rage. And there were no shards to cut myself on, just some stray pieces of thread and fabric.

 Still, some days I think a few hours chopping firewood (which is destructive, but also useful) would be just the ticket. Unfortunately, I live in the middle of the city and our firewood comes neatly wrapped in plastic like a Mal-wart steak.)